Building our Family...on Earth and in Heaven

John 1:16 - From the fullness of His grace, we have all received one blessing after another.

The last month has really been an amazing one in our lives. One that will forever stand out as we reflect on the fondest memories in life. We're expecting again! On August 17th, I had a sonogram. Andrew and I went into the sonogram hopeful to see the life that the home pregnancy test indicated was present. However, my heart had been burdened to pray not for a little life inside, but for the acceptance of whatever news I was to receive that day. I prayed for contentment with God's will...and for the mercy to be able to accept whatever that was. In my head, I thought that meant that if I were to see no life at all, that I would have the grace to accept it.

The sonogram started and instantly I saw on screen not one black sack that my eye was trained to search for...but TWO! Yes, TWO BABIES! Twins. Two heartbeats. Two little miracles God had given us. Whoa - did I need grace, but just not in the way my short-sighted brain thought I'd need. Laughter shook me so much that the sonogram blurred. Tears of joy streamed down my face. What a blessing I had just been given. Andrew, meanwhile, almost passed out!

My brain was spinning with all of the changes in my mental perspective that needed to be made. But, my overwhelming emotion was joy. In the weeks to follow, the joy remained, but I found myself praying away more fears about a twin pregnancy and caring for 3 children 2 years old and under than I ever anticipated I'd have. Through it all, I knew that God was sovereign and this is what He chose for me. I would trust Him and just convert my worries to prayer.

This past Wednesday, September 23rd, I had another sonogram. When it started, I immediately saw on screen what my eyes were searching for...life. However, this time, there was only one heartbeat. One beautiful life growing inside.

The books call it a "vanishing twin," however I just think that seems like such an injustice to the little life that was not to be. Our baby didn't "vanish." I know exactly where he is. On this side of Heaven, I will never get to meet that little soul, hold him, or rock him to sleep. However, I know that our baby is sitting at the foot of Jesus Christ praising him in Heaven...where we will get to meet him one day. He escaped the Earthly struggles and imperfections of human life, and is in our Father's arms now.

Life truly is a miracle, and I still feel overwhelmingly blessed. Seeing a 12 week old fetus bouncing around on the sonogram screen, waving its arms and legs, rolling, and even doing a back-bend of sorts. That is God's creation...a miracle that absolutely can not happen without divine intelligence and design that only the Father could create.

I've had so many friends go through the loss of a pregnancy. Recently, one friend said that she was "building her family in Heaven" with each miscarriage that she grieved. What a wonderful attitude that is...and one that first came to mind when faced with my own miscarriage.

My little one who I'll never know on this side of Heaven now joins a cousin up in Heaven, as well as many other children whose parents wish they would have had the chance to know them here on Earth. What a beautiful day it will be when we get to meet those wonderful lives we never got to know.

For now, we praise God for the little life still growing inside of me. God's plan for our family is perfect. It was not a mistake that one little life stopped growing. The things that we can not understand are ordained by Him to accomplish His purposes. Those purposes we may never know or understand, but my goal is to use what He chooses for my life to bring glory and honor to my Lord and Savior.

So, please join with me in rejoicing for the one little life that continues to grow in me. My heart's desire is that God brings this baby to term and we get to welcome it to the world late March. My official due date is April 5th, however I will most likely have a c-section around March 29th. I started on this journey with the goal of trusting in the sovereignty of the Lord, and I will continue to do that, wherever it may lead.